atlalala

Just a girl and the internet.


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Back to Writing

I keep promising myself I will write more. And I do. On scraps of paper here and there but it just isn’t the same. You need it all together. Somewhere where you can look back and remember where you came from, how you’ve improved, how not to backslide… Journaling has always been so important to me because as Elizabeth Wurtzel says in a much more poetic fashion… if I write it down maybe it wont eat me alive…

I was trying to gather up the scraps of paper and put them all together in one place in my attempts to be more thoughtful in my writing and I found two writings that I must have writing while high on emotion because I barely even remembered writing them.

The Bad…

… You and him and the nostalgia of every other concert you’d ever attended ever… standing next him… the one. Where your heart started and, for so long, you believed it ended. It didn’t end. It’s intelligence far beyond yours helped you take the necessary steps back to show you that not only can you survive but that in the scariest moment of love, and life, it wouldn’t be scary unless you’re entire being is invested. In this sense, you’ve done something right. Here in this moment is where you show the true depths of what you know love to be. You’re whole being saying there’s no chance I could live without him. And yet you now know you’ve been wrong before so maybe it’s okay to chance a chance again…

The Bad…

…I want to say I am not devastated that he disappeared again. But I am. I want to say I didn’t give him permission to come back into my life only to run away again. But I did. I want to say I truly believed he’d changed. But I didn’t. I want to say, next time, I will know better and not let him in. But I won’t.

I’m not sure how someone can have so much power over another without even doing anything to obtain it. I’m even less sure how nearly two decades later, the power is just as strong and defaults every lesson I’ve learned, every boundary I’ve built, and every wall I’ve put up. It makes it worse, for some reason, that it’s not even his goal to have this power over me. Maybe if it was intentional, it’d be easier to break the spell…

Stay tuned for the Reckoning…


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Don’t Stop Believing

You and him. The nostalgia or every other concert you’d ever attended. ever.. Standing next to him… him. Your one true love. The place where your heart started and for so long the same place you thought it ended.

It didn’t end. It’s intelligence beyond yours, helped you take the necessary steps back to show, not only you, that this was survivable but that in the scariest moments of love and life…. they aren’t scary unless you’re entire being is invested. In this sense, you’ve done something right. Here in this moment is where you show the true depths of what you know you… what you know love to be. You’re whole being saying there’s no chance I can live without him and you now know you’ve been wrong before so you take a chance… the breathe sucked from your lungs. Your ground has never felt so shaky before. A day goes by. And another. And a few more.

You aren’t the same person you were, how could you possibly be? But you are no less amazed by the lessons you learned in distress and you cant discount the fact that you are still whole. You were not broken. You may even be more whole.

In a picture perfect world, you could get all of this without the pain. But there’s life in that pain and you’d never know what you might have missed. the only word that can describe this trip you’ve been taken, unexpectedly, is illuminating. And with enough time behind you, you cant help but feel thankful. All the “if only I’d known then’s” you can mutter, they can’t, they just won’t produce the you that now knows what real love looks like and continues to set fires in your soul to obtain just that when your time is ready.


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Depression for Dummies

“Depression is like a bruise that never goes away. A bruise in your mind. You just got to be careful not to touch it where it hurts. It’s always there, though.” – Jeffrey Eugenides, The Marriage Plot

Thought Catalog

This quote couldn’t be more poignant. I have been holding on to it in a draft for some time now wondering how any words I follow it with could possibly do it justice. They won’t. So I decided to just write Freudian style because the quote was too good not to share.

Anyone who has dealt with depression in it’s varying degrees will understand how true this quote is. It’s as if it’s a wound that never fully heals or, in the very least, you fear hasn’t fully healed and so you tip toe around that area so as not to disturb it… Lord knows you don’t want to wake up the beast.

I feel like this quote spoke to me so loudly because up until this year I had gotten back in to the habit of tip toeing… fearing that any sudden movement could rock the boat… and then, despite my light footing and attempts to hold back at truly living life, my world was inadvertently turned upside down. I would love to say the other character in that part of my story is to blame, but she’s not. They were my skeletons in my closet, she just opened the door.

Who would think a year later I actually considered writing her a thank you letter. She is not exactly deserving of such niceties (I still think she’s a conniving terror haha) but without her ‘help’ I am not sure where I would be now. I certainly wouldn’t have taken such a bold risk to live my truth, left my ‘comfortable but painful’ job, and returned to be in Atlanta where things are still slightly unknown. I definitely wouldn’t have rocked my OWN boat that way. But here I am. And I am stronger for it. So while I won’t thank her personally, I am thanking her as I write this because without the struggles we had and the bottom I had to hit I wouldn’t be here now. God bless anyone else who crosses her path in the way that I did, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy… but I am extremely grateful that I had such awesome people in my life to walk me through my darkness and help me find the light at the end of that tunnel.

My bruise is always there. After the past year, I am less scared of it’s touch on my life though. Bruises hurt, especially when prodded, but they always heal.


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<3 Instagram <3

Hey everyone!

I came across this tag last week as I was browsing on the reader and being the Insta-fanatic I am, I just knew I had to do it! 🙂

1. What’s your Instagram name?

My Instagram name is atl_lalala

2. How many people do you follow?

382

3. How many followers do you have?

129

4. What are your favourite hashtags?

#nofilterneeded – Life can be so beautiful it rarely needs a filter.

#Puppylove – This is anything to do with my dog…. aka my world.

#Planneraddict – When my planning obsession and instagram clash.

#disnerd – anything Disney related (see also: disney4life)

5. What is your favourite genre of pictures?

I love seeing other peoples creativity whether it be through their photos of their planners or just photos in general. Anything that makes me stop and really look. It’s easy to take a picture, it’s special when you can make someone notice.

6. How often do you post?

It varies. Most of the time I try to post every few days. I love posting photo challenges which are normally planner related… and I am sure the majority of people who follow me on instagram could care less… but hey, it matters to me!

7. How often do you check Instagram?

A couple of times a day. It’s a great boredom/time killer.

8. What’s your favourite filter?

None of them. I am not a big fan of the filters instagram offers. If I was forced to choose it would be Xpro II but I realize it mostly just puts the vignette around it which I can do by myself without darkening the picture.

9. iPhone only, purist or rebel?

IPhone only but not because I am a true purist… mostly I just don’t have the patience to upload any other way! 😛

Hope you enjoyed reading this tag! I’m not going to nominate anyone in particular but feel free to attempt this tag as I would love to read everyone’s answers. Also, if you’d like me to follow you on Instagram leave your name in the comments below!

Sarah xoxo


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Verstile Blog Award!

Yippee. I have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by Looking Through A Frosty Window! I really feel so honored to be chosen for this.

versitle-blogger-bw

I’m sure many of you already know about this award… but here are the rules again:
• Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
• Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
• Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
• Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
• Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

For more info, please visit https://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com

Thank you for recognizing me. I love the blogging world and am so glad to have come across your page along my way!

7 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF
1.I am addicted to all things Filofax.
2.I am also addicted to all things Disney.
3.I write to release. Its extremely therapeutic. I am always promising myself I will write more
4.I hope that I am making a difference in this world.
5.I love the pure innocent honesty of children. They make the best conversational partners.
6.I eat way too many crumpets.
7.Without music, I am not sure I could survive.

MY NOMINEES

Accepting the award was easy, nominating others is so difficult because I have too many wonderful blogs to choose from. It’s like asking someone to pick their favorite child. *gasp* Nevertheless, since I have to, here’s my list (and of course the order is random}:
1. Hey Charlie Blog
2. Kel & Filofax
3. See, there’s this thing called biology…
3. Donna from My OBT
4. Creativity in a Box
5. Idas Planner
6. Joanny
7. Rose Gold and Glam
8. Chanelle Hayley
9. Jumpy Jess
10. Megan has OCD
11. Kristy at Giftie Etcetera
12. Emma at TapesStickersPens
13. Nuvofelt
14. WithTinu
15. Poppington Place

Thank you all for always making me feel at home on the internet surrounded by friends!!!! As an aside if I don’t know you’re name and I’ve recognized you, feel free to introduce yourself! I love to expand my circle!!!